请问可以帮我评分吗？1-10分

Question

Answer 1

4/10 

Lack of idioms

Lack of vocabulary
很多Grammar mistake! 

我会这么写：(address 自己写)

Hi John, how are you? Hope you are in the pink. (idiom) I am writing this email because you borrowed my dictionary last month. However, I need my dictionary back. This is because year-end exam is coming, and I need to improve my grade. I can make sure that I use my vocabularies widely by checking the dictionary. I hope that you can return it tomorrow. See you soon. Bye!

From, 

Iris

Comments

*I need to take back my dictionary.
*It is because year-end exam is coming so I need to improve my grade at this time.

Answer 2

5/10

句子有点语病

可以改成

How are you? I hope you are as fit as a fiddle. I’m writing this email to remind you to return back my dictionary. I’m going to need it so that I can pass my grades with flying colours and make sure I use the vocabularies correctly. You can write an email and meet me to return my dictionary. See you soon. Bye.